Because I Wannid It

“Because I wannid it”.
This was the sum and total of Bratgirl’s explanation for why she had a shiny keychain in her hot little hand. An item that she had not traded for any form of currency and which her “grownup” had told her specifically she could not acquire due to lack of any funds whatsoever. Stupid me had given her a few Mauritian rupees and some disused Pfennigs when Bratgirl showed an interest in counting coins but even these were nestled safely at home under a mound of Barbie limbs surplus to requirement.
Getting the point across to a five year old that taking something because you “wannid it” is actually theft is challenging. First there is the absence of any context for commercial transactions. You hungry, you eat. You naked, you dress etc…etc… All needs are provided for by the parents in our household, a model I daresay not unique to our family unit. We appealed to her conscience explaining that there was a Science Museum staff member out there who was being brutally punished for being one keychain short at stock count. Nothing could countermand the glazed look of “are we done here?” that Bratgirl had perfected by the time she was out of nappies. Ok, perhaps we were complicating matters but we finally resorted to scaring our little girl by telling her we were considering calling the police.
In order to circumvent our daughter’s certain path into crime, I dragged her the very next day to the Science Museum gift shop in time for opening. Having scanned the room, I smugly selected a salesperson who appeared to be eeking out the last few weeks before his statutory retirement. Here was a dour looking fellow who had chastised a gazillion thieving children over his long and rich career working the tills at the aforementioned museum. I pointed accusingly at Bratgirl proffering her pilfered goods to Tillperson. “She who has stolen this is here to make amends” I said grandly hoping to sear this momentous occasion into our daughter’s subconscious. She turned to him with her watery blue eyes and bleated “msory” at which point he kneeled down and said gently “Aaaah that’s alright, I’m sure you didn’t mean it”.
Well yes actually she did!! After being told she couldn’t have it, she snuck it into her pocket yesterday at approximately fifteen hundred hours. And another thing, Mister Tillperson, I didn’t drag her out of bed, locate my Oyster Card, and frogmarch Bratgirl onto public transport at rush hour to teach her that her watery blue eyes would make everything a.o.k.?!?!!?
By this time, the nervous tick in my left eye was jitterbugging but didn’t keep me from spotting Securityguy. Actually it was the mismatched epaulettes that gave him a faux military look of authority. So off we headed to explain once again that museum property had been stolen and to explore the various implications of this grievous act. The creepy eyes facilitated our hitting the correctional jackpot. “Well little girl, we usually call the police who take thieves to prison. But as this is your first time, we won’t do that. HOWEVER, you see this camera over here and that one over there, they have your picture now so if you ever try to take something from the gift shop again, we’ll know about it”.
Now I realise that we could have used another approach but talking it through and underlining that we are unconditionally proud of her with every breath of our beings but that it was not nice to take the keychain would not have made the same impact. A few weeks ago, the same child asked to spend her pocket money on a portfolio of "Match attacks" football cards. When I questioned her motives, she looked me straight in the eye and said “so I can swap them for something much, MUCH, better.”